Offline

I recently overhauled all my email accounts. Since returning to this blog I had to dust off the old account and do some work on it. I was into the chat feature which listed all of my contacts and if they were or were not online. I noticed my grandfather was one of them. I almost forgot that he and I use to email when I was younger. My grandfather died my 10th grade year of high school. I didn't really grieve for his loss until my freshman year of college. I don't know why it was so long before I realize he wouldn't be apart of those major things in life: graduation, marriage, kids, career choices. I was sitting on the other side of the world and it hit me, *smack* just like that. When I was younger, he and my grandmother created my world. My sweetest memories of childhood are with them. Despite the instability of a divorce, as if that wasn't enough of a curve ball, I was also transplanted to the south. We had a normal family; despite the absence of a father, we still went on family vacations. He taught me how to hike and most importantly, experience the love of our Creator in the world around me. I wish I could go back and bottle those moments. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I do remember those times having a sense of normality. I also remember regret; regret for not seizing the opportunity to put to memory all the little things. How many times did I pass up an opportunity to listen to one of his stories? How many questions did I not ask, that I wonder about now. I was inspired to write the story of he and I. I may post it on here, but I will take a bit of boldness on my part. It is weird how things come back to you. He took me to ballet, the beach, the library, to feed the duck, to the park and the zoo. I miss him every time I hear a James Taylor song or see the leaves change in the mountains. I miss him when I see children flying kites with their families and now, when I see him offline. One of the greatest things about our God is that He just holds us when there is nothing that can be said.