Offline

I recently overhauled all my email accounts. Since returning to this blog I had to dust off the old account and do some work on it. I was into the chat feature which listed all of my contacts and if they were or were not online. I noticed my grandfather was one of them. I almost forgot that he and I use to email when I was younger. My grandfather died my 10th grade year of high school. I didn't really grieve for his loss until my freshman year of college. I don't know why it was so long before I realize he wouldn't be apart of those major things in life: graduation, marriage, kids, career choices. I was sitting on the other side of the world and it hit me, *smack* just like that. When I was younger, he and my grandmother created my world. My sweetest memories of childhood are with them. Despite the instability of a divorce, as if that wasn't enough of a curve ball, I was also transplanted to the south. We had a normal family; despite the absence of a father, we still went on family vacations. He taught me how to hike and most importantly, experience the love of our Creator in the world around me. I wish I could go back and bottle those moments. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I do remember those times having a sense of normality. I also remember regret; regret for not seizing the opportunity to put to memory all the little things. How many times did I pass up an opportunity to listen to one of his stories? How many questions did I not ask, that I wonder about now. I was inspired to write the story of he and I. I may post it on here, but I will take a bit of boldness on my part. It is weird how things come back to you. He took me to ballet, the beach, the library, to feed the duck, to the park and the zoo. I miss him every time I hear a James Taylor song or see the leaves change in the mountains. I miss him when I see children flying kites with their families and now, when I see him offline. One of the greatest things about our God is that He just holds us when there is nothing that can be said.

My highway for life...

Sometimes I wonder about this purpose, this will that God has for me. Actually, I wonder about it all the time, to be honest. I really have little direction in my life right now. I know what my goal is for the next 6 or 7 months, but beyond that I am left to the great unknown. Fortunately, I am connected to our omniscient God. He knows the way, but I do wonder which way He is planning on taking me. I am extremely happy where I am right now. I am surrounded by loving people who create authentic community; a rare commodity in most parts of the "religious" world. That word makes me laugh sometimes, by the way: religion. I was told that I was religious this past week. I replied, "Oh no, I need to work on that." Not to come off heathenistic or anything, but religion is created by humans. It can become just as much of an idol as any other vice; serving yourself without acknowledging the need for our Creator and the selflessness He demonstrated. So back to this wonderful community. I have personally seen selflessness spill from the compassionate hearts of the people making up this community. A true camaraderie that focuses on connecting and caring for the individuals that are facing life together. I use to be a loner. While in high school I rarely saw anyone outside of the class room. I did a few extra curricular's but nothing that forced me to consistently life with another person who knew all my junk. College changed that; I lasted one semester before being drawn into a community. A happy "coincidence" landed me directly next to a person who would change my college experience forever. This person probably doesn't even know what an influence they had on me, but it took one time of going to a weekly meeting for me to jump on board with the missions program they had. Amazingly I went the rest of my college career working with them. Graduation was a crossroads of heres and theres that brought me to a place with all closed doors until a small door off in the distance cracked open to shed light on the next step of my journey. So here I am, a chain of not so random coincidences that brings me to a bend in the road, one of which hides the path before me. "Should I stay or should I go, " which is always followed by that little electric guitar sequence and a faint british accent, or maybe that's just in my own head; ANYways, this is the main fork in the road that I face. I look at pictures of foreign lands and imagine that I would one day see those exact buildings with peeling paint and red archways. Is this a place that I will pose in front of one day, smile at the camera and experiencing an adventure beyond my "wildest imagination"? Placing myself there, I feel that familiar tug; The one that has me strap on my chacos and backpack, secure my passport and double check my plane ticket (in my imagination there is a couple grand required for this part). I have time. I don't have to know right now; that is exactly why God hasn't given me those glasses that help me see the situation clearly from his perspective. There is something to be said for the transformation of my heart towards this city I live in now. I never would have foreseen this as being a stop along the way, at least not beyond college; and yet, here I am. And I don't want to leave. I can feel the Lord loosening my grip on my future. Whatever I hold onto tightly always seems to hold me back and thus is removed to ensure I keep moving forward. I am grateful for the assurance of His stratigic plan, one which He gives us wisdom about, "Not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world or the rulers of this world, who are soon forgotten. No, the wisdom [I] speak of is the mystery of God--His plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began." (1 Cor. 2:6-7) So here I am, searching, but maybe now for wisdom instead of an answer.

A New Home

So I find myself, unexpectedly the new welcoming committee of the Thrift/Yon household. I am totally excited about it, but it leaves me time to reflect. Dozer is 3 years old and was rescued from the shelter. Who knows how much longer he would have stayed if they had passed him by. He has the cutest grin about him, one that says, "despite the horrible experiences I have been through, I know it will get better." Well I guess I just perceive that he says this; either way, I imagine the families he once belonged to. He must have thought THIS family will be different; they won't send me back, I have found my home. And yet, until this afternoon he was in a constant state of unsettledness. Until this morning he hadn't tasted the abounding love that two lovely and caring girls can give to a complete stranger. Though he is simply a dog, this doesn't take away the application of a universal truth. Universal Truth: We all desire a place to be completely and irrevocably loved. A place of solid understanding, where you are known and accepted. If it were possible that this place existed somewhere in this vast universe, would you believe it? You may find a temporary substitute for an omnibenevolent God, but there will never be that fastidious assurance found in finite human.