Offline

I recently overhauled all my email accounts. Since returning to this blog I had to dust off the old account and do some work on it. I was into the chat feature which listed all of my contacts and if they were or were not online. I noticed my grandfather was one of them. I almost forgot that he and I use to email when I was younger. My grandfather died my 10th grade year of high school. I didn't really grieve for his loss until my freshman year of college. I don't know why it was so long before I realize he wouldn't be apart of those major things in life: graduation, marriage, kids, career choices. I was sitting on the other side of the world and it hit me, *smack* just like that. When I was younger, he and my grandmother created my world. My sweetest memories of childhood are with them. Despite the instability of a divorce, as if that wasn't enough of a curve ball, I was also transplanted to the south. We had a normal family; despite the absence of a father, we still went on family vacations. He taught me how to hike and most importantly, experience the love of our Creator in the world around me. I wish I could go back and bottle those moments. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I do remember those times having a sense of normality. I also remember regret; regret for not seizing the opportunity to put to memory all the little things. How many times did I pass up an opportunity to listen to one of his stories? How many questions did I not ask, that I wonder about now. I was inspired to write the story of he and I. I may post it on here, but I will take a bit of boldness on my part. It is weird how things come back to you. He took me to ballet, the beach, the library, to feed the duck, to the park and the zoo. I miss him every time I hear a James Taylor song or see the leaves change in the mountains. I miss him when I see children flying kites with their families and now, when I see him offline. One of the greatest things about our God is that He just holds us when there is nothing that can be said.

My highway for life...

Sometimes I wonder about this purpose, this will that God has for me. Actually, I wonder about it all the time, to be honest. I really have little direction in my life right now. I know what my goal is for the next 6 or 7 months, but beyond that I am left to the great unknown. Fortunately, I am connected to our omniscient God. He knows the way, but I do wonder which way He is planning on taking me. I am extremely happy where I am right now. I am surrounded by loving people who create authentic community; a rare commodity in most parts of the "religious" world. That word makes me laugh sometimes, by the way: religion. I was told that I was religious this past week. I replied, "Oh no, I need to work on that." Not to come off heathenistic or anything, but religion is created by humans. It can become just as much of an idol as any other vice; serving yourself without acknowledging the need for our Creator and the selflessness He demonstrated. So back to this wonderful community. I have personally seen selflessness spill from the compassionate hearts of the people making up this community. A true camaraderie that focuses on connecting and caring for the individuals that are facing life together. I use to be a loner. While in high school I rarely saw anyone outside of the class room. I did a few extra curricular's but nothing that forced me to consistently life with another person who knew all my junk. College changed that; I lasted one semester before being drawn into a community. A happy "coincidence" landed me directly next to a person who would change my college experience forever. This person probably doesn't even know what an influence they had on me, but it took one time of going to a weekly meeting for me to jump on board with the missions program they had. Amazingly I went the rest of my college career working with them. Graduation was a crossroads of heres and theres that brought me to a place with all closed doors until a small door off in the distance cracked open to shed light on the next step of my journey. So here I am, a chain of not so random coincidences that brings me to a bend in the road, one of which hides the path before me. "Should I stay or should I go, " which is always followed by that little electric guitar sequence and a faint british accent, or maybe that's just in my own head; ANYways, this is the main fork in the road that I face. I look at pictures of foreign lands and imagine that I would one day see those exact buildings with peeling paint and red archways. Is this a place that I will pose in front of one day, smile at the camera and experiencing an adventure beyond my "wildest imagination"? Placing myself there, I feel that familiar tug; The one that has me strap on my chacos and backpack, secure my passport and double check my plane ticket (in my imagination there is a couple grand required for this part). I have time. I don't have to know right now; that is exactly why God hasn't given me those glasses that help me see the situation clearly from his perspective. There is something to be said for the transformation of my heart towards this city I live in now. I never would have foreseen this as being a stop along the way, at least not beyond college; and yet, here I am. And I don't want to leave. I can feel the Lord loosening my grip on my future. Whatever I hold onto tightly always seems to hold me back and thus is removed to ensure I keep moving forward. I am grateful for the assurance of His stratigic plan, one which He gives us wisdom about, "Not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world or the rulers of this world, who are soon forgotten. No, the wisdom [I] speak of is the mystery of God--His plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began." (1 Cor. 2:6-7) So here I am, searching, but maybe now for wisdom instead of an answer.

A New Home

So I find myself, unexpectedly the new welcoming committee of the Thrift/Yon household. I am totally excited about it, but it leaves me time to reflect. Dozer is 3 years old and was rescued from the shelter. Who knows how much longer he would have stayed if they had passed him by. He has the cutest grin about him, one that says, "despite the horrible experiences I have been through, I know it will get better." Well I guess I just perceive that he says this; either way, I imagine the families he once belonged to. He must have thought THIS family will be different; they won't send me back, I have found my home. And yet, until this afternoon he was in a constant state of unsettledness. Until this morning he hadn't tasted the abounding love that two lovely and caring girls can give to a complete stranger. Though he is simply a dog, this doesn't take away the application of a universal truth. Universal Truth: We all desire a place to be completely and irrevocably loved. A place of solid understanding, where you are known and accepted. If it were possible that this place existed somewhere in this vast universe, would you believe it? You may find a temporary substitute for an omnibenevolent God, but there will never be that fastidious assurance found in finite human.

A Bird, Maybe a Cardinal

I have always felt like a bird. I like to migrate, usually during the summer i have to travel somewhere. I love to sing and at the most inopportune moments such as 2 in the morning. I also like shinny things...I am beginning to sound crazy am I not? But this love for shinny things is deep! Here, let me explain...We are told to be the light of the world, but wait! I am completely sinful aside from the Holy Spirit, so who can I be a light? The most beautiful explanation i have heard is the analogy of the sun and the moon. The moon is just a big hunk of dirt orbiting the earth, but it provides light in the darkest places...so how does it do that without producing its own energy? It is a reflection of the sun...when we look at the big shinny moon, pouring its shine down on us, it is reflecting the sun. I want to be the reflection of the Son; I only want people to see the Lord in me! I fail so often, and every moon has its dark days, but the Son never stops shinning...even when I fail as a human, the Lord is perfect and will never fail you. So that is how I explain my crazy attraction to shinny things...I know there are more out there who know what I'm talking about, the sparkles on the pavement, the light on the water, the reflection off a ring...they mesmerize you. There is just something about light.

The One that Got Away, Kind Of...

So I have been thinking, what is interesting enough in my life to write about. And what do I come up with? Fishing. Of course not just any old type of fishing! This is the hardcore, fight with a marlin for hours type of fishing...if you have never experienced this...give me a call; everyone needs to try deep sea fishing at least once in their life. Why would some chick from the middle of nowhere care about fishing? Maybe it has something to do with sentiments of the trips, just good old fashion quality time with dad, but I think there is something more to it...Unless you have felt the salty wind on your face and felt the surge of adrenaline run through your veins when you hear the zip of a line it maybe hard to imagine. Picture this...early dawn, chilly with the lack of sunshine and anticipation in the air; bait on the boat, gas in the tanks and polls ready to go. Before the sun has even fully risen, the boat is in the water and just asking for some horsepower! Stalked with enough food and drink to last a week, we call the harbormaster, which signals the beginning of the fun. After cruising at 40 knots for an hour or so, we finally reach the spot...just deep enough to attract the lower lying fish like tuna and far enough away to go undisturbed by other boats. We release the brightly colored lures to whitecaps and begin the slow ritual of trolling in wide figure eights. There are some set on look out for the fisherman's friend...seagulls; where there are seagulls, usually you find fish. So we wait, laughing and singing to old jimmy buffet and bob Marley songs...trying snag a line or two. Suddenly, the ringing of running fish can be heard above the music and everyone shoots into action. Lock the line, strap on the fighting belt, reel in the other lines and most of all, get the bat...here i must explain...it has always been the tradition on my fathers boat that the youngest child present is given the task of the bat...one can only imagine the scene that takes place when my small-for-his-age brother of 7 is given a large wooden bat and given the task of "calming" the 15-35lb. fish. Barely able to lift the heavy bat above his head, it is quite a laugh to watch his efforts...but i digress...So proceeds the fight...the patience, determination, and concentration that goes into the task is enough to shock the fish into a stupor, but there would be no sport in that! After a length of time, anywhere from 20 min. to 5 hours and longer, the fish must come to an end in some way or another. Either he is caught and kept or cut loose. Lets go with the scenario of caught and kept, and since i mentioned it, the record of a 5 hour fight is a pretty interesting one. So after the (in this case) first 4 1/2 hours, we realize that for some reason, this fish, which we believed to be a large tuna, began acting very peculiar. As the fish swam under the boat we realize that there was an oddly large shadow directly behind our target. No sooner had the fish on the line circled around and shot for the surface did a large shark break the water...our tuna was having a particularly bad day...not only did he get snagged on one of our lines, but he also seemed to attract the attention of a large reef shark! Needless to say, our tuna did not fair well. After being partially devoured by a shark, he was reeled it in to complete the unbelievable story. After a full day at sea, we head back to the harbor under the moonlight. The peace that settles at the end of a full day of fishing is one of relaxation and contentment. The high hum of a full throttle twin engine fishing boat allows one to slip into a state of reflection beyon comparison. Admiring one of God's masterpieces, the moon relecting on the water puts one into a state of worship and the day is complete. The silence of the harbor after slowing down to an idle. The lapping of the waves can be heard as we unload the boat and clean the fish...9 beautiful tune, 1 half eaten tuna, and 3 dolphin (mahi mahi). We arrive home and start the grill to enjoy the rest of our night.

Fire, Salt and Sound

I have always seen life as an orchestra, with crescendos, decrescendos, solos and even a piece that goes flat or sharp once in a while. This symphony, conducted by the Lord, has become a beautiful masterpiece, even with my bad notes thrown in. Well recently this song has been playing some really aweful flat notes and if you know anything about music you will understand when i say that those notes can really make your head spin. When hard times come, sometimes we see it as an excuse to "relax" on the job a little bit. When we lose focus and motivation, we are sure to lose valuable ground. It's so hard to keep that little bit of spark going. We need to feed it into a flame; and don't worry, the hand of the Lord will always be there to sheild it, but it takes faith and committment. We are told to be lights of the world and salt of the earth. I learned something interesting about salt...when salt loses it's saltiness, it is a direct result of outside substances comtaminating the salt. This is how the world effects us; when we are blinded by indifference and our own personal problems, we begin to act and react in different way that one who's life is fully consummed by the Lord. I guess what I'm saying is that...life is just like fire, salt and sound...totally random and totally contoled by God.

Removing Idols

"But the high places were not taken away; the people still sacrificed and burned incense on the high places." 2 Kings 12:3 (NKJV)

We often encounter new believers who still have idols or other pagan objects in their homes. On one occasion, we were discipling a married couple. While touring their apartment, we discovered their idol shelf in a back room. After we showed them scriptural teachings on idols, they were determined to remove the shelf immediately.
The idol shelf was removed with a screwdriver, and all its implement were tossed into a box. We patched the holes in the wall with putty, and the new believers placed a cross over the patching just to make it clear where their loyalty rested. Then the husband boldly walked outside and smashed the head off the idol with a hammer as his curious neighbors started in disbelief.
While cleansing their home of pagan objects, I reflected on my life. How many "high places" do I still have in my own life? God revealed to me the stronghold of pride in my heart. Instead of relying on God's power, I often summon my pride and tell myself, "I can do this." When criticized by others, instead of turning to Jesus, I soothe my pride by saying to myself, "Who cares what they think?"
Pride was getting me deeper in sin and further away from God's powerful grace. My idol, pride, wasn't sitting up on a shelf; it was hidden deep in my heart. It will take more than a one-time smash with a hammer to remove pride. It requires daily confession and repentance for me to take away this "high place."

~A worker in China
Voices of the Faithful w/ Beth Moore
Integrity Publishers: 2005